The Life and Times of Tito Five Vol. 2
This installment comes a bit early, but since Halloween is upon us it’s right on time, we call this story: “I’ll Beat the Transition Outta You.” I’m personally not a big Halloween guy, watching “It’s The Great Pumpkin Patch Charlie Brown”, is about as far as I go, but back when I had one of those slave machines, most commonly referred to as a job, some co-workers drug me out to bar hop. We get to the first bar and my Rick James costume is a grand slam.
We’re all having a good time, and these two “ladies” invite us over for drinks. I declined; two of my co-workers head over and the next thing I know one of them is getting a titty sandwich, the next second his face is underneath one of their shirts doing the motor boat. After seeing that I had to head over to see these two super thirsty “chicks.” I walk up to introduce myself, and they both had on devil ears or something, and a ton of makeup, but no real costume. The next thing I know Teddy Pendergrass is asking me if he can buy me a shot. I immediately see what’s going on here.
I try to alert my two co-workers, but they’re so drunk at this point that I can’t be subtle about this shit. I told Teddy he wasn’t fooling me and what they’re doing can get them killed with the wrong dudes. My co-worker looks at me like I’m crazy, and I have to explain to him he’s just been had. That these two “chicks” were actually swinging dicks and couldn’t wait to dress up for Halloween; costumes and alcohol combined, who knew how far that situation could have went. One of my co-workers gets infuriated, because “Men on Film” seem to be laughing about the whole situation. He walks up to one of them and says, “oh you think this shit is funny, I’ll beat the transition outta you bitch!” At the time it was on of the funniest things I could remember hearing.
I defused the situation and told everyone we need to go to another place, but by that time the two drunk fools were so angry they just wanted to go home. Now, we don’t want to judge anybody or tell anybody how to live their life, but if we would’ve took those two brothers outside and really, “beat the transition out of them,” we would’ve been in the wrong, but pulling a stunt like that and laughing about it is suppose to be acceptable? Na, not in my world. After that, I haven’t been out for Halloween since. I’ve been traumatized to view Halloween as just a huge opportunity for Tranny’s across America to see who they can bamboozle.
So if you’re a big Halloween guy and love to go out, just remember to check the Adam’s Apple.
“The Life and Times of Tito Five” are based on true stories.